A Letter To My 10 Year Old Self
Hey 10 Year Old Me,
It’s me here at 37! Ancient I know, but you know what? When you get here you actually don’t feel that old at all. You realise that everything ‘older’ people say about how you still feel the same as when you are younger is true - in my mind I’m still 28 not nearly 38!
Anyway I wanted to say hi, because it’s been a really tough year here on earth and it’s got me thinking about who I am, who I wanted to be and what I’ve been through. And I wanted to let you know that you’re going to have some tough times ahead - but you will be ok.
In a few years time, the best friends who you thought would be in your world forever suddenly aren’t anymore. You make a silly mistake at a young age and it’s a steep learning curve, one in which you realise that as much you thought some people would be in your life for eternity sometimes the universe has other plans. And that’s ok, because it lets new people into your life, that value, love and support you more than you could ever hope for. Losing those friends is the first time your heart is broken - but it makes you resilient and determined at young age and part of who you are today.
Talking of people you love, nan and grandad will pass away - but don’t worry you still have plenty of years with them yet. But never take them for granted...because I know right now it feels like they will be there forever. Ask them questions about their past, their families and build as many memories as you can with them before it’s too late.
As you grow up and boys come onto the scene, you make some amazing choices with the men in your life but also some probably not so good ones in hindsight! As with your friends, those relationships you thought would be your ‘forever’ don’t pan out that way and you get your heart broken more than once. It sucks and you really struggle to deal with the emotions which take you into a really dark place. At the time it will feel like you will never recover but you do come out the other side - better and stronger and knowing yourself so much more.
You will look back and be so grateful for each and everyone of those relationships, because in hindsight they came and went exactly when they were supposed to and helped mould you into ‘you’. And guess what, not to give away the plot line but you end up with a guy 14 years younger than you - I know he’s not EVEN BORN YET!!! Gross right?! Hahaha trust me, as you grow older you realise age is just a number - and it’s the soul of that person that matters. I’ll let you discover the rest on the man front as you go, but just know you end up with an amazing man - not the man you pictured yourself with granted - but that’s exactly what life is about.
Which leads me onto my next point, and I want to to really listen to this because it’s probably the thing you will struggle internally with most of your life. Don’t take yourself or life too seriously, don’t be too sensible, don’t say no to things, take risks, be adventurous and just relax! I know even now you find that hard, but saying no and being sensible doesn’t build memories or experiences - and life is FAR too short to stay inside and hide yourself away for life. It’s super hard when you are so shy I know, but that’s only because you feel like you have nothing to offer the world and struggle to find your place. Stop worrying that you are boring - you’re not. Stop worrying you are not funny - you are. AND you have plenty of other qualities that don’t mean you have to be the loudest or funniest in the room anyway. And through the years, especially into your 30’s - you really start to realise exactly who you are and where your place is in this world.
But that means your 20’s aren’t as easy. And you end up with a pretty bad eating disorder which rules your life for more years than I care to remember. You put all your value on how your body looks - and this continues for many years even after you ‘recover’. At the time you won’t even realise that’s what it is, but eventually you will hit rock bottom and finally reach out for help and support.
And you will be so grateful for those years! Because they become the foundation building an amazing business (yes you work for yourself! Who would have thought!). And that’s when you REALLY find your value and your worth by helping others.You go through a few careers in your 20’s, never feeling totally fulfilled as fun as they are, and I won’t give away too much, but know working for yourself is the most rewarding and soul destroying thing all wrapped into one! But ultimately you love it, and feel so lucky to have discovered your true path. Yes, there is a point at the start of moving into this industry you lose yourself in the fakeness and glamour of it all, you try and fit in with people who aren’t ‘your people’ and it almost destroys you - but you find your path and never look back.
Mum, dad and your sister are always constants in your life and you have a beautiful nice called Summer. Still no kids of your own but you are never quite sure you want them anyway - you are letting the universe decide that one for you. You have to make a really big decision in your 20’s about whether to leave the UK and your parents for good and move to Australia to be close to your sister - yes AUSTRALIA! The place right now you can’t even comprehend because it’s so far away! You live there! But you feel guilty leaving your mum and dad behind and miss them so much. Your relationship with Gemma has it’s ups and downs - I know right now she is your LIFE and you look up to her so much - and that never changes - but you go through a phase of drifting out of each others lives which is tough but you get through it and now stronger than ever.
And finally, you are going to face a huge challenge in 2020 but not on your own - in fact the whole world will be going through it with you as we are hit with a global pandemic. It’s like nothing you have ever experienced before, it’s so scary, it’s so sad and a lot of people leave the world too early. But as with everything in your life you find your own way through, and by now you understand that the only thing you have control over is yourself, not others or situations which is something you struggle to control for many many many years!
So my final bit advice to you Kylie, my gorgeous girl, is go with the flow, don’t try and control anyone or anything because they are not yours to control and have their own path to walk. People will come and go, it will hurt like hell but whatever happens - even in this global pandemic - life goes on and age really does creep up on you quick!
Oh and keep on at mum and dad at 15 about getting your tongue pierced because eventually they let you, don’t take out your piercings later because you will regret it when they close up. Do go to uni but maybe study something that will actually help you in a career, travel more, drink more and even take drugs - basically have a blast because life really is for living.
Love you so much.