Stop Punishing Yourself With Exercise And Treating Yourself With Food
I had a friend whose life was on point. She had a successful career, a great body, trained hard, partied hard, had an awesome partner; from the outside looking in she had it all.
The reality couldn’t have been further from the truth. Being a control freak and perfectionist; she (wrongly) valued her self-worth on what she looked like, letting food and exercise control every element of her life. During the week food would be restricted and her exercise obsessive, at the weekend all self control would fade away leading to binges starting Friday night and finishing Sunday. Often you would hear: ‘I’ve been so good all week, I deserve this glass of wine’ or ‘I worked out so hard this week, I earned this chocolate’.
The problem wasn’t until Monday morning, when she would wake up feeling bloated, fat and a failure for having no self-control. The result would be long cardio sessions at the gym followed by more restricted eating; she would almost relish in the punishment as it made her feel less ashamed of her behaviour.
Yes I’m sure you’ve guessed it; this girl was me 6+ years ago. Although I am an extreme case, there are no doubt many people who will relate to what I went through on some level.
It was a vicious, soulless existence that bought me nothing put pain, sadness and self-loathing. It put a strain on every relationship I had from friends, family, my partner and my colleagues because I had to control every element of my life from when I trained to exactly when I ate…until it was the weekend when I didn’t care and let loose.
Looking back on it now, it seems like such a twisted existence and is almost laughable. I wasn’t living my life; I was barely existing on a metaphoric treadmill and going nowhere. Yet so many of us find ourselves on this very treadmill with no clue how to get off. The key isn’t an easy or quick fix, nothing worth doing ever is. But ultimately we must stop viewing food as a reward and exercise as punishment.
Food is Not a Reward
There is a physiological and emotional attachment to food and drink that brings comfort on many levels. It’s no wonder we find ourselves reaching for something sweet or ‘naughty’ when we need some kind of pick me up. The problem with allowing food to be a reward for good behaviour is we are giving food the power to control us and we will therefore have little defence against its irresistible powers when the desire hits us, no matter how resilient we think we can be.
This can lead us to associate food and alcohol with whether we are worthy of success and rewards. Instead of using food and drink to add value to our lives, we use it to determine whether we’re good or bad people - a dangerous path. Why? Because after the initial pleasure hits we ultimately experience feelings of guilt and failure. Associating food and behaviour in this way is an unhealthy mindset which will continue to lead to bad food choices and unhealthy behavioural patterns no matter how much we believe we have the will power to stop it.
Fitness is Not Punishment
And while we are on the topic, fitness is not a form of punishment. Going to the gym should not feel like a grind or make you unhappy, and you certainly shouldn’t be going to the gym for 2 hours on a Monday morning to ‘burn’ the calories you ate over the weekend.
Using exercise as a form of punishment for over indulging or missing a workout is a way of shaming ourselves into managing our behaviour. Not only is this not sustainable, but it doesn’t make us feel good and will never allow us to develop intrinsic motivation for a better lifestyle.
So How Do We Fix It?
As I said there is no quick fix, but what you can do is replace one behaviour with another…
Choose Other ‘Rewards’
Rewards are there for a reason, they give you motivation, make you feel good and give you a positive association to the hard work you have put in. The key is to choose a reward which doesn’t make you feel poorly two days later.
How?
Choose a reward that isn’t food or drink, a new gym outfit for example (my favourite choice!), massage or movie with a friend.
Then What?
Keep going! Once you have bought yourself a new outfit or had a massage, get straight back to what you were doing which made you feel so good in the first place. This is where a lot of people go wrong…they start to feel good and let things slip falling back into old habits and inevitably never getting off that treadmill.
Use Exercise as a Tool of Empowerment
Exercising should not be because you hate yourself and feel you have to. Exercise should be because you love yourself, it makes you feel good and you want to.
How?
Make exercise fun and give yourself goals unassociated with body composition. Focus on getting stronger for example (trust me there is nothing more empowering as a fairly petite female than walking into a weights room and being able to lift heavy!). Or take a friend with you and learn a new skill like handstands or gymnastics – most of all make it fun!
Then What?
Again keep going! If you hit your goal or conquer a new skill, set yourself a new one, and keep pushing yourself to try new things.
Food and fitness should add value to your life, letting you live it better, they should not BE your life or factors which control it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I have all my life fully together, far from it! And of course I still enjoy a glass or two of wine or chocolate, I’m not a robot! The key is I don’t use them to make me feel better and don’t let them determine my self worth. I eat or drink consciously, knowing I won’t feel guilty or go on a binge because I’m not doing it to solve my problems.
Its not an easy process and like anything worth doing it takes time, commitment, motivation, determination and support. The first step is being self aware, the second step is making small changes and the rest will start to naturally progress from there.
You are worth more than being stuck on a treadmill of self punishment, shame, loathing and reward, so get off the treadmill and go live your life!